evening musings of a silly girlchild grown 30

Sitting going through my papers

tidying up art projects

and, as I search for an old email,

I sample old letters

saved in an email folder

on somebody else's hard drive

Bits and pieces of me entrusted

to a web server.

I notice certain themes persist.

Loss, the fluid nature of time,

The desire for happiness,

for love.

The brink of everything.

The slide back into the mundane,

the day to day.

And I notice that I have been loved

in depths that I never realized.

Not to one person, not to two,

but to many,

I have counted.

And I never realized it,

really, I didn't,

as I darted along my path.

An apology, I offer,

though it is insincere.

Not in motivation but

in wisdom.

Carol Hechmer
2/6/05

back to trip. etc.